In a Bubble

Things are not particularly good.  But this time I have a lot more support than I did before.  My family is aware of the situation and they are trying to take care of me, they keep me fed and safe and loved.  I’ve made sure I stay off work while I recover.  I’ve created new bonds that are very valuable.  I’ve learned more things that help my mind deal with everything.  

This is not a milder depression, I just have more tools to deal with it.  I wonder if this is it.  I am alive and well after all.  But my ambitions and everything inside of me are still boiling.  A bigger social support only means that I’ll have a better time when depressed than I did when I was completely alone, isolated from everything and confused.  

What kind of behaviour am I reinforcing if whenever I’m depressed people come in my aid? That sounds like an evil and indulging kind of therapy.  

I’m not trying to be this person that is just not happy with anything; if people reject me, then everything sucks and if people accept me everything still sucks. I just value some things like independence.   I don’t want to lose it.  I don’t want to survive if that means I’ll have to depend on someone else to stay safe.  I don’t want to get addicted to being taken care of.

Edit: Now I just realized that I sound like a brat.

Edit2: 40000 pageviews! yay!

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4 thoughts on “In a Bubble

  1. i think it’s alright to still be cared by your family, given your situation. (i’m not depressed but my parents still spoil me. 😳 ) but it’s good that you want to be independent – and i believe you could be independent despite the depression. would take a lot of planning, some stumbling moments and hopefully no running out of the proper meds.

  2. “I’m not trying to be this person that is just not happy with anything; if people reject me, then everything sucks and if people accept me everything still sucks.”

    I think this sums up why I feel like crying in spite of having a fairly good day back at work. I’d even go a step further… I’m independent, living alone, and still… everything sucks.

    Sorry… not doing do great either.

  3. It’s good that you want to be independent, and you should go for it. I think you just need to make sure you plan so that there’s always happy people surrounding you. After all, laughter is the best medicine. So, just, try your best, but make you you’ve got people to help you up if you fall down.

  4. Its good that you now have these better tools to cope, that you feel supported. Being more independant, everyone wants that, but, but it doesnt mean that you cant be independant and still recieve help when you need it from friends and family.

    Hannah X. And wow 40000 page views.

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