Things are not particularly good. But this time I have a lot more support than I did before. My family is aware of the situation and they are trying to take care of me, they keep me fed and safe and loved. I’ve made sure I stay off work while I recover. I’ve created new bonds that are very valuable. I’ve learned more things that help my mind deal with everything.
This is not a milder depression, I just have more tools to deal with it. I wonder if this is it. I am alive and well after all. But my ambitions and everything inside of me are still boiling. A bigger social support only means that I’ll have a better time when depressed than I did when I was completely alone, isolated from everything and confused.
What kind of behaviour am I reinforcing if whenever I’m depressed people come in my aid? That sounds like an evil and indulging kind of therapy.
I’m not trying to be this person that is just not happy with anything; if people reject me, then everything sucks and if people accept me everything still sucks. I just value some things like independence. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to survive if that means I’ll have to depend on someone else to stay safe. I don’t want to get addicted to being taken care of.
Edit: Now I just realized that I sound like a brat.
Edit2: 40000 pageviews! yay!