The Medical Internship Sumarized.

This post is mostly directed at myself.   For my mind to keep track of the events of the past year, how was the mood curve like and the potential triggers for worsened depression.  I took advantage of my blog maintenance to dig through the files and make some sort of index of what happened during my medical internship that started on July 1st 2007 and hasn’t ended.

Is it going to ever end? Nobody knows.  At the moment It feels like a psychological open wound.  You can just look out the window.  And escape.  Fast.



May 31st.  Until then, you thought you could do ANYTHING.

June 5th.  No, this is too hard… too hard.

June 11th. Exhaustion is getting the worst of me.

June 16th.  The first breakdown.

June 17th.  Stop, breathe and start over.

July 14th.  Cannot take the shifts.


Aug 4th.  Desperate.

Sept 29th.  Good day at work.

Internal medicine.

Oct 9th. Breakdown No. 3?

Oct 15th.  Hanging in there.

Oct 22nd.  Sensing a failure.  Planning a Break.

Nov 15.  Still Floating on.


Dec 7th.  Taking the planned Break.

2008 – break cont.

Jan 11th.  Loveless Marriage (Medicine)

Jan 17th.  The hospital freaks me out.

Surgical Specialties

Feb 17th.  Already back.  Psych rotation musings.

Feb 22nd.  One Fun Shift.

March 3rd.  Surgical Specialties.  Enough rest.  Stable mood.  Should work.

March 21st. Melancholic.

March 30th.  Sensing things aren’t going well.

Social Medicine

April 17th.  Starting not to function.  Missing work again.

April 18th.  Snowball.

April 19th.  Stopped showing up at work again.

May 1st.  Dragging myself to work.

May 4th.  A horrible day at work.  Musings about self harm.

May 7th.  “oh you’re dropping off again?”*

Unfinished.  Social Medicine again? BREAK.

May 30th.  Am I ready? I should go back to work.

June 3rd. I didn’t show up at work today. Definitely not ready.

Break/not break/break

June 12th.  I will stop thinking of the future.

July 31st.  Ready or Not, I had to go back to the hospital.


Aug 4th. One Day Through the Internship

Aug 13th.  Struggling with Levels Of Activity

Aug 14th.  The Final Crash

To be continued… ?


16 thoughts on “The Medical Internship Sumarized.

  1. That photo is beautiful. Did you take it yourself? It’s honestly stunning… I might nick it for my header bar if it didn’t look a bit… alarmingly introspective. Like, I’d start writing poetry if I had a picture that beautiful up there to stare at all the time. 😉

    Suzy x

  2. i didn’t know you were in that many departments during your internships! is surgery like in tv shows, all emergency and blood? and in ob/gyn, do you see vaginas all day long?

    i’m sorry, i’m really curious…

  3. Hello Suzy.

    Yes I took it. Like 2 months ago, 5:30 pm, I was lying on the backseat while my dad stopped the car for a bit while he was talking to someone through his window. I looked up and saw the sky and the tree like that, so <I immediately pulled out the almighty camera (I miss it) and took about 10 pictures of what I was seeing, but decided for this one because something about the way the window glass cuts the picture got my attention! I’m glad you like it! I was kind of in a melacholic mood when I took it. But, poetry?! wow, you sure are welcome to give it a try. I can’t write poetry to save my life. 🙂 Thanks.

    Ah and for the award. What I did was… actually, I don’t remember well so I’m going to try to remember while I write the steps.

    * Dashboard –> Design –> Widgets
    * Add “text” from the “Available widgets” at the left column of the screen.
    * Click on the new text Widget you’ve just created and type this:

    <img src=”REPLACE THIS WITH URL” alt=”Brilliant Weblog Award” />

    * Put a title in the widget if you want to.
    * Click on “Change” and “Save”. 🙂

  4. Sulz,

    My rotations in the internship are six with a duration of 2 months each (General Surgery; Surgical Specialties – Orthopedics, Plastic Surgery, Neurosurgery, Urology – ; Internal Medicine; Pediatrics; Gyn/Ob; and Primary Care medicine or Social Medicine) We cover everything because we’re being trained to be General Practicioners who later will choose an specialty and start a residence in one of those areas. We also have 2 weeks of Psychiatric practice during the Surgical Specialties rotation. All in one year. We already had all these subjects during medical school; the internship is just practice.

    In the night shifts we’re used to be placed in emergencies. So there’s a good share of blood and stuff. But people don’t run or scream as much as they do in ER (You know, the TV show, gosh they are ALWAYS running). It can get very stressing, yes, and it’s a good idea to bring more than one set of scrubs to change if you get splattered with something. During the day it is usually more calm and the most exciting thing that happens is that you get to do CPR on someone or stitch a bad wound. Otherwise it’s just the amazing world of paperwork.

    In surgery we get to be in the ER, receiving the patients and sending them to the OR. We take care of the patients before and after the surgery, and sometimes we scrub in (I had to go in the OR more than I wanted to – I dislike the OR).

    I think in OB/GYN is where you get to do the most as an intern. The whole service depends on you, because the attendings are usually too busy doing c sections or other surgical procedures, and you get to examine the pregnant women all the day. Vaginas are not a big deal, they are just birth canals. As a med student you can get a bit of a shock, but after two or three patients there’s nothing you can be scared of anymore. I was only an OB/GYN intern for 11 days but I still attended a few deliveries and examined a couple dozen women. I have placed Intrauterine Devices while I was a student, and I also did pap smears.

    I suppose you do see vaginas all day, and also get your hand inside them. In the clinic part, you see the non pregnant women with their respective illnesses… STDs, menopause, abnormal periods, etc.

    I guess I prefer the pregnant women.

  5. I know! I would have never left the internship if it was as interesting as an episode of Grey’s Anatomy!

    I found more shaved vaginas than I thought I would find!

    Women scheduled for delivery are usually shaved. If they aren’t, the nurse usually takes care of it… so in deliveries, I have only seen shaved ones. In normal consult you can find more bushes. Rarely you find neatly trimmed ones. One day I found a real redhead! I didn’t think I would find one in here.

  6. The person examining you is not really thinking about you. It becomes rather mechanical. Exam, exam, exam. I suppose that is not completely relieving, but it might help. I haven’t been a patient either…

  7. Argh! No! I was being sarky – I’d never write introspective poetry! – I just meant that that’s the kind of stunning picture that ought to inspire people to write it.

    The closest I’ll get is something like ‘I’d like to be/in that tree/with the leaves/in my hair/up in the air’ which is hardly deathless prose. 😉

    Suzy x

  8. I didn’t notice that before! But YES! there’s a high peak in my stats!

    Apart from that, the searches have not registered anything related with vaginas, just the same old stuff.

  9. Hi, how are you doing now? did you manage to finish internship? are you officially a doctor now? I particularly like this “You can just look out the window. And escape. Fast.”
    I did escape, and I did escape fast. I was an intern in 2007. But I did not have the capability to work like a slave. My short time as an intern was horrible. I dreaded every morning. I wept myself to sleep (if I would ever be able to fall asleep). I’ve been there, I understand what you have gone through. I’m sorry, very sorry.

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