I have been feeling very disconnected from my blog. I wish I could say that this is because I’ve been happy and with nothing to rant about, but this is not the case. I guess I am just bored of writing the same things… but here I am again. Things haven’t been so good lately. I mean, life is, life is fine, what can I say… normal alright life. But I’ve been very depressed… I saw no point in taking medications that weren’t working, so I stopped taking them a few days ago. I am suppossed to go to an appointment with the doc on Wednesday to discuss what else can be done.
I kept on playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time. What can I say, it was relaxing… keyword: was. Somewhere along the game, you can find this dungeon called the Water Temple. In here, you are supposed to leave aside your nice Kokiri boots, and to move around in Iron Boots instead so you don’t float… cause there are important things to do at the bottom of the flooded temple.
While “walking” in these boots, surrounded only by water, I realized that was exactly it; in the “real world” I am also feeling as though as I were walking on iron boots. Everything is too hard to do, everything is too heavy and slow and it’s hard to breathe. The game reflects this very well, and you can feel the heaviness all around you as you play.
Needless to say, I stopped playing. But even when the game is off, I can’t take off my iron boots. Or my iron gloves… or my iron armor that is pressing against my chest. I feel like that all the time. Leaden Paralysis is the name of the symptom I am refering to, and it is one of the features of Atypical Depression. Kicking in like always… very nice.
My classmates graduated last Friday, and many, many people who are not aware that I quit my job have been messaging me and congratulating me for my supposed graduation. HA… I would cry if I wasn’t laughing.
I am so disconnected from everyone, I might aswell be living in the other side of the universe. Everybody is very far away now.
We’ll have to wait and see what happens on Wednesday.
I am not expecting too much.