Doesn’t really get better

I think that when I am depressed, and my mind tells me I should step away from humankind, I should listen.

I’ve tried to act like nothing is wrong, and invariably end up acting strange, complaining, saying inappropriate things… and maybe this is not too different of how I would usually act, except right now it gets me. I feel stupid, unfunny, annoying, think everyone is talking to me because they feel sorry for me, and taking every joke seriously inside my mind. I think if anyone tells me now that my face is deformed I would run away crying even though I know my face is alright and … formed (non deformed) >_<.

The rest of the things are fine… apparently, I’m just sleeping too much and eating too little.

Stupid state of mind. I feel even worst for not been able to just control it! To listen to things like “Take it easy” “Ignore them” “You are not stupid, unfunny and annoying”, won’t help even if I hear it 100 times. And if you do say them, it probably just will make it worse. So far my interaction has been restricted to online people, but it still has had bad consequences. I feel like not poking my head around the IM services ever again.

I was just talking to someone about it on MSN, she has been feeling something similar, although in a whole different background of things. I felt like hugging her and making her not believe her stupid depressed mind, but then I remembered that I am in the same place.  I cannot help her no matter how much I want to.  And nobody can help me.

I’ll just listen to my mind and step away for a while. Or else I’ll make a mess of everything.

To everyone who cares, I’m sorry, and… I’m going to be fine.

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