Don’t understand why…

Even after lots of analyzing and balancing this and that, and figuring out that I actually like what I do and think, and consider myself a strong, smart and independent person, with a good sense of humor who falls back into depression sometimes (which is going to keep happening, hopefuly for a limited amount of time and less often everytime, but will keep happening because medication is not a magic cure, especially when it hasn’t worked at all before, and when this has had such a long term course.

Don’t understand why it affects me so much everytime someone I care about takes all this lightly. I don’t have to describe exactly how, because all of you must be familiar with jokes about depression and mental illnesses in general.

Don’t understand why, despite all the rationality behind it, all the progress is undone when this happens.

And why these people keep doing it even though they know how bad it is for me.

And why do I keep taking them back.

I’m okay, just not feeling especially good at the moment. Hopefully tomorrow I will be posting about my trip to Bogota, which btw, was awesome.

Leave you with something to think about:

“Last night my mom and I were spending some time talking about things while sitting on the couch…
we went into discussing life and death for some reason…
I told her:
‘mom, do not ever let me living like a vegetable, depending on machines and fluids coming from a bottle. If you ever see me like that, unplugg me, I’d rather die.
My mom got up amazed, and immediately ran around the house, disconnecting my TV, DVD, Computer, Ipod, XBOX!!
Then she got rid of all my booze!
ย FUCK I TRULY ALMOST DIE.”

Sweet dreams people. ๐Ÿ™‚

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5 thoughts on “Don’t understand why…

  1. haha, funny anecdote. that said, it always saddens us when people we care do not care about issues close to our hearts the way we care about them, especially if they are personal issues. that doesn’t mean they love us any less; they just have a different way to love us. it hurts, but i guess if you look at the big picture, it may be because they don’t quite know how to deal with the issue (hence giving the impression they’re taking things lightly or treat it like a joke) or because they said something offhand that given another time and another thought, they may not utter such things at all.

    if telling them how you feel about this is not an option, then i guess that’s where blogging comes in. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. It’s not mine, the anecdote. It’s just something I was told and wanted to share to counterbalance a sad post full of personal issues. Besides it made me laugh like there was no tomorrow. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I did tell them how I feel, but I don’t know if that made it better or worse.

  3. not strange, but hopeful. i do that all the time… they keep on hurtin’ and i keep on comin’ back for more, hopin’ and prayin’ that they’ll change. :mrgreen: or maybe we’re both masochists!!

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