Wet dream

First of all, get your mind out of the gutter.

I’ve been having a rather annoying couple of days thanks to the complete water restriction we’ve been under. Absolutely nothing is coming out from the faucets all over the city. I would kill for a shower, but there’s barely enough to drink, so, as you can imagine, I’m a poor reminder of human being, covered in paint, dust, and who knows what else. I think I have so much debris on, I might have turned magnetic. I had a spoon on me earlier.

It’s past midnight. *sigh*. I had to go to bed last night in the same conditions. Except that… I love my brain. It made me sleep quietly and comfortably by evaporating all the worries about the lack of water by developing the perfect kind of dream. Everything was awesomeness, waterfalls, rivers, oceans, all in the same place. I can remember all the details and colors and sounds. I can remember diving in, feeling cool, cozy and happy.

I had to wake up to moderate dehydration. And quite disappointed to a world with no water. It’s kinda futuristic to think about it… I’m so used to water. I take several showers a day, drink lots, wash my hands a lot of times. I love swimming pools, I’m a great swimmer. I love rivers. My first on-line name was water_girl. I cannot live without it!

Well, obviously nobody can, but you get my drift. I want the water back! It is torture to deprive a whole city from this precious fluid! Especially a city like Neiva, with an average temp over 40 Celsius…

I hope my brain spoils me again tonight. But more, I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, there’s a real solution to this all.

Oh! Speaking of…

something else…

You should check this video out. A friend send the song to me yesterday, and it thought it was “okay”. But in the end of the day, I had played it around 10 times and I seem to love it now. I don’t know how popular it is for you, so it could be “that song that is always in the radio! Grrr, I hate it!”. It’s not my fault.

Coin Operated Boy – Dresden Dolls

Wow, wouldn’t you love your own coin-operated boy?

Get your mind out of the gutter again.

I’m not known for being too romantic in general. I’ve barely dated around, and I haven’t been in a real relationship, haven’t fell in love… Won’t discuss the reasons here because that’d take ages. But yeah, I have a very romantic interpretation of the song, and in a way I’ve been guilty of fantasizing about somebody who would never hurt me, would never leave me, and always says what I want to hear, always does what I want him to. It would be easier, there would not be risk invoved on falling for him, there would be no risk of he finding out all the flaws I have and get scared.  I would be always dreaming of someone “real” who would beat the fake one, get me out of my fantasy and into an amazing reality, but apparently my standards are too high, and the fantasy wins over everytime.

And of course it does.

A real person is such a hassle and a huge RISK.

Yeah, I can be a coward, cheesy, romantic idiot too.

*everybody vomits*

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6 thoughts on “Wet dream

  1. why lah no water at where you live? i’m the opposite of you. can’t swim, have been known to skip bathing for a day… :mrgreen: but you know i’m filthy already, right? haha.

  2. It would be easier, there would not be risk involved on falling for him, there would be no risk of he finding out all the flaws I have and get scared.

    The common mistake is to believe you can only claim to be ‘pragmatic’ and ‘grown up’ when you rid yourself of the fantasy. But it does not have to be either or. The best lives are infused with a healthy dose of fantasy. They are safe opportunities for exploration and the first steps to leading a happy life. They only become problematic when you focus most of your energy on the fantasy itself and refuse to assimilate it into your daily life.

    Thankfully, reconciling your fantasy with reality is not a futile endeavor. What you need is to imbue the former with greater definition. And really, overall, what you desire is not unreasonable, just challenging. Let us examine the things you desire.

    a) Someone who never hurts you.
    Not even you with all the intimate knowledge about your mind and body can you truthfully hope/claim to never hurt yourself accidentally or not. Many erroneously believe eliminating pain is the solution to their problems and would do almost anything to never again experience it. What they do not realize is that a life of no pain is an extremely destructive life.

    Emotional pain just like physical pain is a useful survival mechanism. It is a symptom that informs us of where we are being damaged/attacked so that we may put a stop to it. Mental pain forces us to immediately create a hierarchy of what we deem most valuable in ourselves—often done unconsciously—and draw closest to us what we deem we can do the least without.

    What could lead a person to want to do away with something (pain) so essential to their survival? The answer is simple. Humans deal with pain each day of their lives—some more than others—and over time acquire coping skills. However, pain is designed to be a mechanism and not a way of life. Depression is a consequence not of pain but of prolonged exposure to it. The longer you are exposed to pain, the more skills you acquire causing your initial hierarchy to become inaccurate and in need of an update to reflect the new and changing you. Then you have the pain mechanism reacting from different and multiple traumas, with each attack burrowing from your exterior closer to the ‘core’ of who you are. Eventually, your defenses wear away faster than you can raise them. Ultimately, all you know is pain.

    This is why depression that spans years is so difficult to cure. The physical manifestation (chemical imbalance) is a side effect to deep trauma. Anti-depressants alone will not cure it as depression is an amalgam of physical, mental, social and environmental factors.

    You are so caustic with yourself Nessa, and so obsessed with justifying not only your initial depressive attack but the lingering depression you experience to this day. You have felt misunderstood for most of your life and do not have a place to feel you belong. These are such fundamental needs of being human. The average human will find ways to meet these needs in their environment but you have never been average. The greater your uniqueness the fewer places and chances to acquire these needs. If you ignore them, think these things unimportant long enough and/or are unable to escape the interference of these needs, each single unit of pain accumulates to the point of depression (as it did for you). Keep ignoring them and the depression will only get worse. It is why you still suffer from depression after all these years.

    Physical and/or verbal abuses are not the only paths to depression as you have experientially discovered. Moreover, depression does not care about social justification. The depression equation is quite simple. More units of pain increase the chances of depression. Experience more pain than not and it is unavoidable. When you understand this about your condition you will realize that you do not require justification for something that simply IS and the only reason you believe that you need it is because those around you DO whether they ask for it directly or indirectly.

    Energy is a precious commodity when depressed. In your path to healing, there will come a time in which you must decide whether to expend that energy on yourself or on attempts to ‘cure’ others of their ignorance and limitations. To most humans truth is a social construct to be determined by majority rule. The more you adhere to the majority, the greater your social acceptance. Therefore, these people you seek to change, in their minds stand little to gain and everything to lose by being ‘cured.’ It is all about their needs and nothing at all to do with how convincing you are.

    Returning to your quote, the only logical explanation for wanting someone who never hurts you is that you have rarely/never experienced what it is like to meet someone who has more healing and understanding to offer than pain and misunderstanding. It is continuous pain that you actually fear and not a single unit. You overcome single units each day.

    I have points for your other desires (b,c,d and e) but will cut the post here.

  3. Are you a psychologist?

    I have a keen interest in logical processes, the human condition (specifically an extensive knowledge of depression), a natural skill in analyzing complexities and observing patterns that the average individual does not, making it possible to dig deeper than superficial examples of cause and effect to arrive at ‘core’ truths and/or motivations.

    At one point in my life I seriously considered psychology as a career option, but no, I am not a psychologist.

    Can I hire you to live in my mind?

    You may get more than you bargain for. Psychological analysis is an obsession of mine. However, as long as the commentary is welcomed, you can steal my mind whenever you need it.

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