It’s 1:35 am and I can’t fall asleep, so I decided to get back online and… do nothing really.

I was reading sulz blog some minutes ago, and I noticed she makes new years resolutions each year.  Well, actually, most people seem to make them.  It’s like a tradition if you live in earth, apparently.

The new year does seem to me like a new, fresh, start.   Like no matter what happened in the past, there’s still a full new thing to start over.  I absolutely love new things, not only new years, but new notebooks, blank paper… POTENTIAL in its pure form.  Potential to be the most perfect thing even though we know that once it starts is usually far from perfect.  But the feeling of great potential feels awesome.

However, I seem to be very cautious with things like concrete resolutions to make things better.   I’ve never done the resolutions thing every New Year.  My negativity takes over and I feel it’s pointless to make resolutions, because they aren’t going to be acomplished.  When I make something happen is usually a surprise for me.  Although I know that obviously, very deep inside I’m constantly making resolutions…  like everyone else; to live a healthier lifestyle, to say all the things I want to say, to keep my promises, to keep my room clean, to keep my blog updated, to practice my spoken english, to learn to drive.  Constantly made and forgotten.

I guess I’m scared that If I actually say it out loud, the pressure will build in and when I fail, I’ll be more devastated than if I pretend I never aimed for that in the first place.

Although maybe it is great not to make resolutions, because then you’ll have no expectations to dissapoint you and no goals to fail, it is also true that doing it because of fear is not the best reason.

I’m just avoiding any kind of pressure.

So my resolution for this year will be to make real, concrete resolutions, aim for them and try to get them done.

I am now finally sleepy.  Will write these in the morning.


One thought on “Insomnia

  1. actually, i never made resolutions until i started blogging, haha. i think before there wasn’t anyone to tell things like this to, so there wasn’t a point in making them.

    well, i hope i can make at least one resolution come true. 🙂

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