Today was a good day really, I had shift last night, and I couldn’t sleep much, probably 2 hours, but they felt like they were enough.
work. I woke up around 5:40 and went downstairs to check up the patients I had assigned for the day. It was a special day because there was no pediatrician for the rounds, just the residents. So, it was not stressing, I felt like I was the one responsible for them all, in charge of the younger students, making decisions, and not just an intern doing the crappy work. I took care of a lot of situations I wouldn’t have bothered with or wouldn’t have been allowed to in usual settings. It was actually easier to act on the situations rather than having to tell the Pediatrician about it, and explain them what I wanted to do before acting on it.
I guess my teachers stress me more than the actual med problems.
personal. Things with “boyfriend” in the other side, have been awkward. We got along in the first place because we’re both weird in a similar way. But many of the things we have in common also go against us. I care for him lots, and he’s a great friend, but I don’t think this is working for us as a couple. It’s just a stressing time, there’s barely a free moment when we can hang out, and we have kinda drifted away. I’m angry at him also, for certain happenings last week, but it’s not the main thing.
It’s not sad, I think I’ve never been dependent on having a boyfriend or somebody around. Though it felt nice…
moods: After the relapse I had last week, that I didn’t document in here or anything, because I was sick of it, I got my medication dose adjusted (doubled) and it seems to be fine now. It’s really hard to understand how despairing it is to be in the middle of a depression crisis. Everything is the same, but it has a different color, something subtle and creepy that makes it all look like it’s the worst thing, and that I will never stop feeling that way, and that it’s not really worth to keep living if I’m going to feel that way for the rest of my life. But then the storm passes, and I have to pick the debris I left behind me, and I try to create strategies to tell myself that the depressive crisis are only temporary. But when it happens again, my reason goes away too, and nothing I’ve done to prevent it works.
It’s all good though, because all what matters is that the storm has passed for now.
plans. Tomorrow seems really busy. Except this time only a small part is about work. Tomorrow I’ll wake up at 5 am, get ready, go to see my patients, end the shift around 11 am. Then free lunch sponsored by a classmate who’s running for a political position in the city (couldn’t care less about the political part, but it’s FREE FOOD.. HA). Later hanging out with a friend who works in the hospital as a nurse, to say goodbye because starting on Monday I will no longer be part of the pediatrics group, and will go into the amazing world of Internal Medicine.
And of course, the night plans with friends who want to get drunk.
I better go to sleep to recharge my batteries.