Why do you do this?

Why the hell do you act like this?

You say you feel bad, you say you feel alone and desperate, nothing is good, nothing is enough. Nothing makes you happy.

But you never do anything about it.

It’s almost like you liked it.

It’s almost like you used it for your advantage.

You say you feel depressed, how could you not. You listen to that damn music, you visit those blogs where other “depressed” people pity themselves, how could you not do the same thing. You, indulgent you.

How could you not be alone if you stay home every second you’re not working, if you ignore the people who try to reach you, you push everyone away. We want to help you and you don’t let us. If you only were more open it would all go away. But you don’t want to do anything, just complain about how you feel so alone. Do something to help yourself damn it!

You say you don’t like your work, you don’t like your career, nothing motivates you. Well do something about it, change your own life. We all have to deal with hard times and we do it. See that kid at the hospital who lost his leg to a mine? He’s enduring it, he’s smiling and optimistic now. He’s incredibly sad but he’s brave. Why aren’t you more like him? You have everything, nothing bad has ever happened to you. You have absolutely no right to feel bad.

It’s almost like you forced those thoughts into yourself until there’s nothing else in there. It’s almost like the depressing thoughts were seductive to you. You like them. It’s your fault that you’re feeling like this. You’re not a victim, it’s your fault.

You started taking those pills, you indulgent you.

They’re for weak people. You have taken others before and you know they don’t work. Because you’re not sick. You’re just a scared little girl. Coward.

Why do you do this to the people who love you.

You pathetic you. If you disliked your life as much as you say you do, you would be dead already. But you’re just whining, so maybe people will give you what you want with no effort. When they pity you as much as you pity yourself.

You have the power to go back to normal and be happy. But you just don’t want it. Ungrateful you.

And you will be alone, but you brought this to yourself. So suck it up.

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8 thoughts on “Why do you do this?

  1. Wow, I’m confused…who’s beating who up? You touched a lot on my feelings, the way I feel about myself and have written it very well and you know, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m glad I’ve come upon your blog and will keep in touch. I’ve suffered from mental illness for years, been chastised many times for my endless complaints and ‘whining’ – but did they ever know what it was like to walk in my shoes? Obviously not.

    Take care.

  2. Hey!! The speech of your alter ego is lovely!! I would change the last two paragraphs for:

    “You have the power to go back to normal and be happy. So shake it up now bitch!, no pain no gain! Who cares if you’re alone or not… at least i’m with you, so suck me, beautiful!!”

  3. Excellent work at being one of TDHP (those damn healthy people). I try to avoid those folks as much as possible. Unfortunately, I have one of them stuck in my head and the constant shame he slings is driving me to The End.

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