5 done, 360 to go

I have shift tomorrow and I don’t know how to escape!

Seriously, this is getting too hard. I feel like a truck has ran over me. My muscles are contracted, with cramps, my feet have become just a mass of flesh, I have a backache since Saturday that hasn’t gone away. I stayed awake and busy for 36 hours in a row on my Saturday’s shift… I have one shift every 4th day. I’m getting up at 3 am to read a bit, get ready and be at the hospital at 4:30 or 5 am, and nothing stops until around 8 pm. I get one or two meals every day, only because there’s just no time to eat more. Then I go home and pass out until 3 am the next day.

That’s surgery rotation, the first 2 months. People say the other rotations are not that exhausting. The problem is that I feel like I’ve been an intern for about three months and it has been only 5 days.

What do you do when you want to take a break, but it’s not possible? It’s this urrrge, this feeling that if you don’t stop something NOW, you’re going to break. These days I’ve thought several times that I’m finally going to go nuts. But as bad as it probably sounds, it feels relieving that I can see all my classmates going through the same… it’s just too much.

Still, it was my decision and it’s only 1 year. But people have to be real idiots to stay doing this every single day of their lives. I just can’t do it. I don’t know what I’m trying to prove by being here. I’ve known for a while it’s not what I want, I known for a while that even thought it’s not what I want, I’m still good at it. Maybe it would have been better if I had sucked at it. It would have stopped me on time.


4 thoughts on “5 done, 360 to go

  1. you have to suffer a little right now to make your medical dream come true later… maybe then you could open up your own clinic and dictate when you come in!

  2. Hehe maybe.

    It just feels weird. I have all these things to take care of, but I can’t because they own my time now. They’re eating my time. I feel like they own me and it gives me some claustrophobic feeling. But I guess that’s normal too.

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