Many times, I get the megalomaniac wish about having all the knowledge of the world, all the answers, no doubts, no uncertainty. Just own it all. I’ve always had this feeling, but when I was a kid, it was easy to think it was happening; I was great in everything there was to be good at age 4, 5, 6… whatever (top of the class, best at writing, reading, dancing, math, science, environmental activist, club leader, drawing, music… little nerd). When I was growing up, I got increasingly frustrated to find out the knowledge was too BIG, and my brain was just too small to have it all. It was heartbreaking to learn that adults had to choose. Choose what to know. Choose what to become and kill all those amazing possibilities.
Because no matter how much you’d like to, you can’t be an astronaut, cook, painter, musician, writer, philosopher, computer genius, doctor, pilot, parent, photographer, engineer, teacher, everything, in the same life. Because you just don’t live in the age of wise men, when the knowledge of the world could be stored in a fat book. Because you’re just not that talented. And most importantly, because if you had the chance to learn it all you wouldn’t do it either. Would you?
I’ve come to understand that even though I complain everyday about my career choice, I do find it fascinating to have learned so much about biological organisms (specifically humans), how they develop, how they work, how they interact with things inside and out, why they break (with not so much concern about them as much as curiosity). STILL, some part of me keeps secretly wishing I could also understand relativity theory, string theory, black holes, people’s psychology, evolution, world’s history, master computer systems, know about every culture and country, be a math expert, know every language on earth, know how to do brain surgery while also being able to paint masterpieces from the mess in my mind, while also knowing how to make perfect sushi.
And to fly, why the hell not.
But instead, I don’t even start to be mildly cult… not really, maybe just more ignorant than cult. Because I’m not willing to make any effort, and I keep expecting it all was as easy as to insert a disk in my brain and install a new program.
And even if it was, would it be worth it? I think not.
So why can’t you just get over it.