Can’t have it all, get over it.

Many times, I get the megalomaniac wish about having all the knowledge of the world, all the answers, no doubts, no uncertainty. Just own it all. I’ve always had this feeling, but when I was a kid, it was easy to think it was happening; I was great in everything there was to be good at age 4, 5, 6… whatever (top of the class, best at writing, reading, dancing, math, science, environmental activist, club leader, drawing, music… little nerd). When I was growing up, I got increasingly frustrated to find out the knowledge was too BIG, and my brain was just too small to have it all. It was heartbreaking to learn that adults had to choose. Choose what to know. Choose what to become and kill all those amazing possibilities.

Because no matter how much you’d like to, you can’t be an astronaut, cook, painter, musician, writer, philosopher, computer genius, doctor, pilot, parent, photographer, engineer, teacher, everything, in the same life. Because you just don’t live in the age of wise men, when the knowledge of the world could be stored in a fat book. Because you’re just not that talented. And most importantly, because if you had the chance to learn it all you wouldn’t do it either. Would you?

I’ve come to understand that even though I complain everyday about my career choice, I do find it fascinating to have learned so much about biological organisms (specifically humans), how they develop, how they work, how they interact with things inside and out, why they break (with not so much concern about them as much as curiosity). STILL, some part of me keeps secretly wishing I could also understand relativity theory, string theory, black holes, people’s psychology, evolution, world’s history, master computer systems, know about every culture and country, be a math expert, know every language on earth, know how to do brain surgery while also being able to paint masterpieces from the mess in my mind, while also knowing how to make perfect sushi.

And to fly, why the hell not.

But instead, I don’t even start to be mildly cult… not really, maybe just more ignorant than cult. Because I’m not willing to make any effort, and I keep expecting it all was as easy as to insert a disk in my brain and install a new program.

And even if it was, would it be worth it? I think not.

So why can’t you just get over it.


3 thoughts on “Can’t have it all, get over it.

  1. Great post. The reason you can’t do all of those things in your lifetime is because you are human! Don’t blame yourself. I believe we only control our lives to a certain extent, and it’s about what you do with the bit you are able to control that counts.

    We can’t comprehend it all, we’re part of something to big for us to understand. We have to accept that. You can’t get over it sometimes ‘cos you like to daydream, think about “what if” and that isn’t so bad if you can still grab hold of a sense of reality and be content with it.

    Some people are better than others at certain things, and just think of how many out there would wish they were you and could do the things you do. The fact is we live for eachother, and off eachother because we like eachother. It’s why people support footy teams etc. and it’s only the media that highlights our weaknesses instead of our positive differences.

  2. Of course, this is just a feeling I get sometimes. Besides I think if I knew it all I’d be boring. And I would have nobody to talk to, and nothing new to learn. It would suck.

    Someday… maybe… I’ll be really good at this one thing I really like -that I don’t know what it is-.

    Or maybe I’ll always be mediocre at everything I do, and will have to deal with it. Right in this moment I wouldn’t mind it.

  3. Wow!! Felt as if I was reading my own diary…

    True! Can just nibble small bits of knowledge about things other than medicine…But surely cant get it all.
    Never mind!!
    I am glad that I am learning a great deal now(I am a med. student too)…and would be learning even more!

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