I just finished deleting my drafts in this blog. I had around 10. They’re from these moments when I’ve had thoughts in my mind and things to say, but, lacking the ability to put those thoughts into words, and having another million of things to do, I just stopped trying and saved them for a later moment. The thing is, I don’t remember ever going back to one of my drafts, finishing it and publishing it. Ever. And I was not going to do it. The moment I stopped writing on them and said “I’ll finish later”, that was the end of the post. I just wouldn’t recognize it until now. Or maybe I did but I’m a complete fence sitter.
I tend to put off things all the time. Sometimes I don’t have the time to do something I feel like doing, and sometimes I don’t feel like doing something I have to do, and sometimes I just can’t bother doing it. It’s really easy. Procrastinating feels great. When you feel the need of doing/have to do x or y thing, and then decide you don’t really have to do it that exact moment, it’s like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. The feeling is so, so good, you can become an addict. It’s like it was two people in you, a now you, and a later you. Now you is a very selfish person, and prefers to go to sleep and relax, and puts all the work on later you, and doesn’t care at all about what happens to later you, as soon as now you is alright and happy. But eventually, later you becomes now you, and now you, being the selfish person it is, blames, curses and yells at, oh yeah, a third person: before you. Wow, that was confusing.
This blog entry is not really about me wanting to change my addiction to procrastination. At least not now, and not when it comes to things I HAVE to do, like homework, essays, projects, exams. It doesn’t really bother me that much to be honest, and in the end, when I finish that thing I had to do…. well, it feels sort of cool to say I did it in an amazing time of [insert procrastination record here]. Yea, sue me teachers.
Don’t do today what you can put off until hell freezes over !!!!!
I guess I’ve been more concerned about putting off things that I do want to do, but don’t get the time/are too tired/can’t bother doing. All these things only exist lingering around in the shape of notes, lists, post-its, notepad files, drafts, unfinished drawings, promises, items I bring and save “because they might come in handy someday”. I have a load of stuff I’m keeping that I will not use, ever. So why keep it around? Really, I’m NOT going to do it. Not when I have them in a “to do list” that looks at me like it was something I had to do and not something I would enjoy doing. It’s pointless.
So my plan here it’s to treat them the same way I treated those blog entries that never made it to the light. Next time I feel like doing something, I’ll either do it, or discard it, hoping that my to do list doesn’t ever grow again. After all, it’s always going to be that, a to do list.