I have no idea what time it is, but it just got dark outside, and I still can’t focus. I’ve been in front of my desk for hours, probably since 8 am and nothing has happened. I look at the words, and think I’m reading, and then I’m 2 pages ahead, and realize I was thinking about something else the whole time, and can’t even remember what I was reading about. Like every night, I know I’m going to keep trying this until about midnight and then I’ll go to sleep, wake up at 4 am and try to absorb as much as I can in my short term memory, and 2 hours later vomit everything to my teacher so she thinks I really know that stuff. Then… well, my short term memory will be empty again so I can ingest much more information to regurgitate to whoever needs to hear it.

I haven’t been able to focus ever since the semester started, even though I really like this Ob/gyn subject. I hear about a new disease or something and I want to know all about it, but my brain won’t cooperate.

In general, I’m just not focusing, I’ve found myself somewhere random staring at a wall or something else equally irrelevant completely lost in thoughts that don’t have any particular content.

Usually, when something gets weird I’m the first one to know what happens or at least have countless theories, or just say I feel like shit and I’m depressed and blah blah. But right now I don’t have any theory. I’m fine, everything is great. I guess it can just happen, maybe fatigue that doesn’t feel like fatigue. I just have my
mind floating in outer space.


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