20

I’m one month and a half away from finishing 9th semester. So little time left, but so much to do. It feels like I’m a year away from getting any kind of rest. And I feel like I lost about 50 points of IQ. All I’ve been doing lately is that sort of annoying repetitive work you can do even when you’re falling asleep. I’ve turned out so stupid that this morning I got incredibly surprised when I was able to multiply 14 x 4. Some pills… 14 days, 4 pills a day. Wow, what a challenge to me.

I wish I wasn’t talking about college, but sadly (or maybe not, depends on how you look at it), it’s the only thing I’ve been doing. It’s supposed to be our priority or something. But my brain keeps yelling my priority is sleep. Sleep is what I want to do when I grow up, sleep is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m not even sleep deprived, I just keep feeling the need, like I was a druggie.

I wake up everyday just because the alarm sounds, I get a shower without noticing, then I get ready in 3 minutes and half, and go to college because it’s in my dads way and he gives me a ride, and he would wonder what’s going on if I say I’m not going, and then I would have to give explanations or lie, and either way requires much more energy than just get in the damn car and be driven there. Then I find some of my classmates and follow them wherever they go, which is usually the hospital, then I do whatever we’re supposed to do everyday. I eat, a lot. Especially cheesecake, I don’t know why I like cheesecake so much lately.
I don’t really look that dozed, I look normal, as I’ve kind of confirmed.

I’m just kind of going down, kind of dead. From a while ago, I’ve been living things like I was watching a video, and I was watching me living, but I wasn’t really living. I smile, I laugh, I talk and move, but that feels very far away. I’ve experienced some cool things lately, I just haven’t been there to enjoy them.

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