Nessa is a geek for today.

First of all, if you haven’t yet, download the new release of Firefox for a World Guinness Record for most downloads in 24 hours.   17th June 6pm GMT to 18th June 6 pm GMT. This means most of you still have time! I found out thanks to Tanya… I am surprised my own firefox browser didn’t pop something up telling me about it… it always does.

Colombia is on the 20 K downloads! it’s not much but at least it’s more than our neighboring countries, and that’s good.  YAY We rock.

So in other news… I’ve been obsessed with YouTube lately, watching stupid videos and whatnot, making stupid videos and whatnot, deleting my stupid videos and so on.  I’ve been messing with my old computer, and I formatted the four hard drives it had and reinstalled it all.  I had to use windows again, because I originally was trying to do something new…  I was trying to install this OS.   I have an old computer so I can do anything with it, can’t I?  But the cd I made was corrupted and I ran out of spare cds, so it will have to wait another day at least.

While searching for old files, I found something I liked.  Some of my Pixel Art!

The most perfect color

When I was little I thought that maybe colors weren’t real as such, they were just a perception.  Maybe all humans share the same favorite color.  Who is to say my purple isn’t your blue? I could see green and you see red when in fact it’s the same exact color being perceived differently.

After trying to open my mind so much it physically hurt, I realized that if the above paragraph is true, it would mean that all humans for some reason share a unique favorite color.

It’s easier and more logical to conceive that all humans just like different colors, that are truly, different colors.

It doesn’t mean I am saying perceptions cannot differ, but I was wrong when thinking a different “perception” would affect whether I see green or blue.

Instead a different perception is what will make me feel all fuzzy in the inside when I see something purple, while Sulz might say “uggh” at the same object.

That stopped me from thinking my purple might be your orange.

That and finding out about wavelengths.

Fun Times in a Fun World.

Mood: busy/annoyed/unspired. All due to long day at work and general stress.

Reading: A Short Story I was sent Online. Fun World by William Routhier.

Listening to: “Falling Again” – Lacuna Coil. I enjoy the band sometimes, but it’s not my favorite one. Now, this especific song, is another thing. I absolutely love it. Don’t relate deeply with the lyrics, but the lyrics + the sounds cause one of those wavelength sync moments… the effect is impossible to describe right now. I would say it’s like being high, except I’ve never been high. But It’s like I imagine being high would be, minus the hallucinations and the laugher. And it’s not even the whole song, it’s a part of it. Darn.

Now you wish I had just said “I like this song.”

Anyway. Thinking of: My trip to Bogota last week. I finally bought a 1GB SD memory card, so I don’t have the limitation of taking only 7 to 10 pictures at a time… which means that: I took pics of anything moving or still and of things that are irrelevant or unfunny to the general public. But I won’t bother you with that… so much.

I left the random, people pictures for Facebook so they can laugh at them, I’m sure you have no interest on watching random people drooling at a hamburger after a long day. You can go to your local restaurant and see a bunch of those scenes yourself.

For blogging, I went with the Tourist-Like pictures: less playing around and more about creating tangible-ish memories of things seen to compensate a lousy memory and create the illusion of being able to enter those memories everytime you see the pictures.

Care to join me relive it? Follow the chocolate rabbit…

 

Have you grown at all?

It’s been strange to turn 20, now 21, and it keeps on going (or so I’ve been told). It made me think whether I’m really growing, not just getting older (and I mean growing as a person, I’m not that silly to think I’ll ever stop being a dwarf). Many times I still think of myself as the kid I’ve been for most of my life. I can’t get that I’m an adult. No, adults are those grown up, alien people. I’m not that. I was born a kid and will always be one.

But something has definitely changed. It hits me when I’m at work and people treat me like an adult. It hits me inside my own family. It hits me when I look in the mirror and my doe eyes are turning strangely older. Is it all bad? I think I had a good childhood (almost a fairy tale childhood except for the school bullying). But I didn’t have such a good teenage life. I spent most of it inside medical school, depressed, neurotic, going over the edge. I’m not fussed over staying a teenager. There must be something I’ve turned around for good. Is there something I can refer to as “this is not something I would have pulled out 5, 4 years ago…But I can do now?”.

I’ve stopped trying to be things I am not. I can’t say I’m completely over it, but it has improved a lot. I had an obsession about wanting to be everything, know everything, do everything. But mostly I was just so ashamed of myself I thought anything else was good but me. I used to be jealous of everything and everyone. Being around anyone was painful for me, because my mind was just focusing of how much of the other person I lacked. “He can write great songs… why can’t I?, I suck!”.  It was exhausting.

I stopped thinking that dating was an impossible skill I would never get.  I have been a #1 geek most of my life. I used to think I had gotten lost in the school of life and I was wandering around trying to find my way just when the other kids were having dating classes. My love life can be summed up in a little notebook. First kiss at age 15, me running away afterwards in shame and confusion, leaving the guy all dazzled (Speaking of that, I saw that guy on tv yesterday. Pretty awesome.) I had an “online boyfriend” that year too, for like a couple of months or less, who is now a sweet, good overseas friend, and is engaged now (with a real-life woman fyi!… or so we all think). Then two years went by trying to recover from first kiss… until a crazy 17th birthday at a friends house, got me drunk and had me french kissing like 3 people on the same night, 2 of them being woman. (I know, I skipped a few steps there.) Later a couple of dates here and there. A lot of lying trying to cover my lack of experience with over-seductive behavior and embarrassing myself a lot. A couple of less-than-a-month “boyfriends”. Then like 3 years of nothingness when I got worst into my depression. Later a friend who was dating me while I was thinking he was just a friend (now I can see I was really dumb because he wasn’t that subtle after all). That ended up bad I think. And finally my “August” (think of “Sweet-November” the movie). I don’t know if he extended to September, October and November. It’s still blurry but it’s most likely to finally end when he graduates and goes into his “Real – Doctor” life in 5 days. I’m not in love with him or anything, but it’s been a good experience. There are still some issues I have to deal with, but in general I can say that dating is not an impossible thing to do.

I stopped thinking my mind worked different ways than the rest of the humans. I feel normal even by being a weirdo. Most of the times…

I don’t feel as a loner as much as I used to. I learned to adapt to other people being different and enjoy my time with them, otherwise just get away, not linger while wondering “why I’m such a weirdo I can’t get along with them”.

I stopped feeling bad because I enjoyed being alone. I can go home on a Saturday night because I want to, not because I have nothing else to do.

I stopped trying to make everyone happy just so I could fit. I can be a bitch right now. I can make people feel bad if I really want to. And it turns out I don’t want it too often. But at least I know I’m good to the people I really want to be good with.

I don’t feel ashamed of my flaws as often as I used to. I think this blog has helped a lot for that. I think blogs of people in my blogroll have also helped more than I’ll ever tell. Like, hey, first time I ever read Tanya’s blog was on DeviantArt when I was looking through pictures and photos, and stumbled upon one blog called “Your flaws make you beautiful” (by the way I can’t find the link to that one anymore, has it been deleted?). I started reading all of her DA blogs since then and seeing all of her photography.  Pretty cool stuff.

I’ve stopped being scared when “euthymic“, scared that I would get depressed again anytime and trying to avoid it at all costs. Instead I acknowledge that I might get depressed again, as I’ve had several relapses over the years. But I won’t enter that field unprepared again… or at least I will have a bit of a hope that it can be beaten because it has happened before.

I’ve gained lots of weight! 10 kilograms since I was 16. I used to have a BMI of like 17, an overeater twiggy.  BTW I need to stop it now.

I’ve been feeling more comfortable in my own country, while I used to wish I could get out of it as soon as possible. I’m still not patriotic, I still want to live somewhere else, but I’ve calmed down from those times when I thought I would happily go work as a prostitute rather than staying here one more second.

I’ve became a full atheist instead of agnostic. I’ve also calmed down and tried to avoid all religious debates. It’s just my way to think and I can’t force anyone to think that way.

I know all these changes may disappear or be forgotten, especially when my depression attacks. But it’s just great to realize that not all is bad. Not all the time at least. This all reminds me of Sulz reference to flaws about “self acceptance or self improvement?” I say self improvement, but most of the improvement I’ve mentioned has really consisted on self acceptance. So which one is it?

So, do you think you have grown over the years?  Or is there a moment or age in your life you’d rather be right now?

The meaning of life

People of all cultures and ages have always asked the big question.

Well, I know the answer. My personal answer anyway, that I actually don’t recommend to follow because it’s not comforting or anything like that.

Long Post Warning!!!

Evangelion

I was probably 13 when I got hooked on this. I’ve never been an anime fan, but I loved that show from the first time I watched it. Now that I’ve been watching it again, I have no idea what a 13 year old could have possibly liked and understood from it, but it obviously had an impact on me: my very own screen name that I’ve used for years, originated from a character in this show. I actually didn’t like Asuka as much as I liked Rei Ayanami as a character, I probably chose Asuka because the name just sounded so much cooler to me.

Some cool scenes from episode 2! ^_^

I got back to this because 1) someone I know at uni got all the episodes and movies on dvd and burned me a copy, and 2) I heard there’s a rumor of a new movie coming up! “Evangelion the movie” LIVE! Like, with ACTORS. Here’s the trailer.

I don’t know how that would work… I’m too used to the animated version, but it would definitely be interesting. Also, I’m sure they will miss the main point of the series, that it’s the Human Instrumentality Project, the battle within the minds of the characters, and in general, being a psychological thriller. Instead the whole thing will turn into an action movie. You know, the usual MY-GIANT-ROBOT-KILLED-YOUR-GIANT-MONSTER kind of thing.

But it would be interesting nonetheless.

Though, seriously, Elijah Wood? Keanu Reaves? Kirsten Dunst? I don’t know… the pain after Spiderman III is still too fresh…. *shrivers*

Last week My Friend Marcos came to me in panic after seeing Elijah Woods in the trailer, and also because the special effects on the evas (yes, the big robots) look just lousy! Thought he used a much MUCH more hilarious word that can’t be translated from Spanish to English…. Not even from Colombian to regular Spanish… actually, chances are it’s not even a real word!

Of course I have to tell you Marcos, that you have nothing to worry about: Shinji Ikari won’t be played by Elijah Woods, and I can say it won’t happen, because the trailer above it’s FAKE.

But the movie it self it’s real… at least the project of it:

“Its release is currently projected to occur at any time ranging from as early as 2008 to as late as 2015″

So I probably will have to wait all those years, and the futuristic effect it’s probably ruined already. I mean, maybe in 1995 it was possible to think “OMFG, maybe we’ll be like that in 2015!!“, but not in 2008 or anytime after that.

The bright side of it all? NO CAST HAS BEEN CHOSEN YET. There’s still hope in this world.

Links:

Untitled Evangelion Project

Live action movie facts

Evangelion Episode 1@YouTube

Off topic note: I AM IN VACATIONS! (one week only, but something is something)