Control

The weather in my mind:  I’m floating, everything is quiet.  I love clouds, I love them.  On the other hand, there’s nobody left in this world. I’m alone and I’m slowly falling down to nothingness.  Even the things that seem to be there are only imaginary.  It is not a world imposed on me, as any interruption from real life is intercepted by huge striking lightning.  I want to float quietly into a spiral of self destruction.  I often feel like I don’t know how to live in the real world.  For weeks it has been like that.  The real world is too heavy and undesirable. Maybe I am a fictional character who accidentally crossed a barrier and is lost trying to cling on a world that doesn’t exist.

The Medical Internship Sumarized.

This post is mostly directed at myself.   For my mind to keep track of the events of the past year, how was the mood curve like and the potential triggers for worsened depression.  I took advantage of my blog maintenance to dig through the files and make some sort of index of what happened during my medical internship that started on July 1st 2007 and hasn’t ended.

Is it going to ever end? Nobody knows.  At the moment It feels like a psychological open wound.  You can just look out the window.  And escape.  Fast.